| reminisce the things that are missed |
[Apr. 6th, 2006|01:52 am] |
so here i am writing in this thing almost a year since i last posted kinda weird and ironic the only reason i made this was to talk to amy but we dont even talk anymore so this thing is kinda pointless. but i needed to vent just to get words out even if it is on an online journal. 1st off livejournal has changed alot so yeah im not gonna update my stuff though. spring break is soon i cant wait i just wanna pass my classes and get out of highschool. i dont feel as close to my friends in my town at the moment probably cuz i havnt hung out with them as much since i got a girlfriend. ahh yes the girlfriend i like her a lot but nothing good lasts forever and as much as im a hopeless romantic im also a realist and basically waiting to get hurt again its basically inevitable as much as i wish it wont happen it will because everytime i open up to a girl in a relationship i get hurt. dont know how many people still use this so im not worried about every1 in uc knowing my thoughts 2morow or the next day. i wanna hang out with a couple people spring break catch up with some people and get to know some others better. im going with gia (my girlfriend) and my dad to NC to visit family easter weekend so that should be fun. is it stupid that when you know your gonna get hurt to get more involved and have more feelings stronger feelings for someone when in the end you know your going to be hurt even worse? is that insane? or wut is that. the play is over this weekend thank god. its fun and all but i want to get a job or 2 and get some money. hopefully ill get my tattoo soon my sisters gonna draw it although i dont think she knows wut its for. i dont know what to get my sister for her birthday this might require some thought.
RIP
how could i go on knowing the outcome
have i lost my sight from staring at the sun
all the time i spend my emotions keep growing
when will i learn to stop having fun
to just wait for certainty and assurance
why cant i learn from things that are reocurrent
instead i smile and laugh pretending everythings ok
when at the end of the day everythings not ok
im not alright i push these thoughts to the back of my mind
only to surface and i know this with reassurance of the worst kind
from past experiences it seems i havent learned a thing
i follow my heart and leave it out like a puppet on a string
you play me like a marionet i do what you want without regret
only to have my feelings tangled in a suffocationg net
just to have it stolen and broken maybe torn in two
hopefully unrepairable so its another thing i wont have to go through
when will it be enough "nice guys finish last"
is that my future or a thing from the past |
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| i know just what it feels like to have a voice in the back of my head |
[Dec. 24th, 2004|01:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | fuck you | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | points of authority/99 problems/one step closer | ] |
ok here we go. today is christmas eve woopdefuckindo. yea im not a big christmas fan but got reason. u have probably herd this all before but wutever. i dont know what im doin over christmas break my sisters friends and family are comin over like every christmas eve. my dad got eggnog without the alcohol this year and i was like damn if it had alcohol i woulda downed it right here. i got a hair cut yesterday and went to a party where i saw all the college kids which was ok not the greatest some memories and stuff sucked. christmas 2morow all for christmas i want is my FUCKIN SANITY. so far im havin a bad day but thats just me bein optimistic.ive been tagged. i finished my christmas shoppin yesterday. my sister wants me to go to mexico but that means i have to have $100 by january first which i do have but i also need a car. my sister wants to go skiing over christmas break(snowboarding for me) i dunno when she wants to do that but i dont have gloves at least i dont think i have them wutever. im most likely gonna be home all of christmas break so if u wanna see me call my house line or come over. people comin over is ALWAYS GOOD even tho i got nothin to do here.
my room looks so bad ive had a headache for the past few days but i dont take advil or dont believe in it rather but that gives me no reason to complain i just do it cuz julia isnt here. miss you pinky. well my mom and sister are makin me eat yea nothins new merry christmas
and to those who dont like it like me FUCK THIS SHIT bahh humbug |
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| don't ever say its over |
[Oct. 23rd, 2004|04:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | awaiting | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | cd my sister burned | ] |
my dreams don't leave me here......
so i havn't updated this piece of shit journal for many reasons that i don't feel like expressing at the moment. my grades are good i'm doing great for all of those who care. the people that see me as "sad" or "upset" i'm fine i'm just tired i stay up late at night and think (which if you know me is never good) my sister came home this weekend. my weekend has sucked so far, but i got my halloween costume with my dad it was kool he paid for half my clothes. for those who don't know i'm going to be a vampire with kelly as a double for school. i also get my braces off this friday so that's always a plus. little things upset people only problem is they don't express it to the people or peoples that have hurt them therefore no one has a fucking clue how to make them happy. my sister burned this cd that i'm listening to but i fogot the name of it or the titles so yea but its good.
tasting every moment with you
im suffering im bleeding
save me from this pit of frailty
i'm in the school play which is entitled "fools" you should see me its on the 5th and 6th of november. i don't know what else to write about if people have suggestions of what they would like me to talk about or somthing comment or talk to me.
tears fallin down again
tears fallin down.......
you fall on your knees
you beg you bleed
can i be somebody else for all the times i hate myself |
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| im rotting inside |
[Oct. 3rd, 2004|02:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | tongue-tied~earshot | ] |
so 2day i have slept taken my medicine didnt go to church and i should do my homework i wrote a litte the stuff i wrote i either erased or put it in my profile on my sn. im so confused about shit right now. is like october the month that every1 gets pissed or depressed or wants to leave or am i just noticing that? well i can tell im getting better and when i get better im ready to do more stupid things cuz thats wut im good at im starting not to care again gotta love that feeling. my sister is comin home on friday woohoo man i miss her. this whole me doing good in school and doing my homework is new and annoying i cant wait till i dont have to do it anymore and i herd a rumore going around that every1 has to take midterms now no exemptiosn great the 1 year i actually do my work and try to get good grades and they pull this shit on me. wutever i dont care we have a half day friday i still dont know wut im gonna do. rob wants to have a band practice or somthing with me and some other guys so that means i gotta get my amp back from jasons and man i fuckin hate that band 1 for the fact they act like children and now chuck has a gf and his away message is all i love my gf please just no no no and no and im done with this pointless entry |
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| bordum |
[Oct. 2nd, 2004|04:09 am] |
so here i am its 4:09 in the morning and i cant sleep i made myself ramon noodles and i went thru a bunch of people on my cell phone already calling and waking them up to see if they wanted to talk the only person who was awake was my sister and thats cuz shes at college. every1 who is online is away which kinda sux cuz i have nothing to do so i am going to write this is journal. as some of you mite have noticed im sick since i havnt gone to school for the past 2 days. i went to the doctor on thursday had a 101.7 fever(nurse said it was the highest fever of the day) he took some tests and i dont have mono phenomia broncitus strep or swollen glands they dont know wut i have but they gave me a prescription anyway cuz thats what they do. so basically all i did today was sit around and do absolutly nothing. my mom wont let me do anything tomorrow cuz she says im still sick which sux cuz that means im stuck here. she said i could have people over but its like "hey you wanna come over and chill even tho im sick and maybe contagious" people would think i stilll have a fever or smokin somethin i can hear my dad movin upstairs so im endin this entry bye |
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| bringing it down |
[Sep. 26th, 2004|01:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | this lying world~unearth | ] |
ok i dont feel like doing my homework or studying so im gonna post woohoo. so yesterday i mowed my neighbors lawn finished my sonnet and went to summit with jamie britt and maeg. we saw napolean dynamite the movie sucked but the company was good then we chilled in summit for awhile then my dad picked me up and i stayed home. talked to ash later that nite. today i went to like half a mass thought i was supposed to work at the pool but jk my mom isnt home woohoo so i can listen to my music without getting yelled at. this upcoming week should be fun with freshman things that i think i work at. hmm im gonna try to find a huge bar of wax that my sister said i could use to use on a rail or anything i can find to grind on with my new blades. i found out about this skatepark in flemington its like $12 to get in if ne1 wants to go with me sometime if you bmx blade or board doesnt matter they take you all. i suck cuz i havnt done nething in a couple years so yea. i want to get a half-stack amp, gibson sg, some clothes, and thats it so far maybe a car when i get enuf money i think i need another job. alex johnson informed me that i am in honk (spring musical) im father swan i think thats kool i cant tell greg or ne of the others guys otherwise i know they will go to the play just to see me dance and thats not kool. headlines yea i should do them but i dont feel like it i also didnt do my spanish pages yet or study i should do that both. mrs schurtz was talking to me and wanted to know if i would play guitar at mass i was thinking if i could bring in my guitar amp maybe steve reis brian gray or rob or some1 who wouldnt mind playing guitar and i would need a bassist and a drummer. we could always find a vocalist. yea they would have to be christian songs but we could make them heavy and scream and stuff she said she wants the masses at school more "lively" so this should be interesting if i can get it together. i think im going to visit my sister toward the end of october i mite come home on halloween i dont know yet she is still comin home on the 8th which is like a half day or so ive herd which is always a plus. grrr mom just got home so i think im gonna end this entry.
yea im done |
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| help me, save me, tell me that the end is real |
[Sep. 25th, 2004|11:17 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | be free~papa roach | ] |
alright school yesterday was ok i got so fuckin pissed off after lunch which helped me later that nite for the show. i took down 5 kids not my record but it was a good nite only got 1 shot to jaw but its all good. the bands were kickass alot of UC people there and a couple of the BH crowd. good to see jessie again. hung out with kelly brian tati rob matt jacqui jill kristina and much others that i cant think off the top of my head. i was so hungry after the show. i got kicked in the sack at lunch yesterday. i have to mow my neighbors lawn in like 40 mins which sux. I GOT MY BLADES AND MY BACKPACK i was sooooooooooooo suped about that. i need to take a shower...sometime today. i just dont know what i want anymore. i got my englush summer reading test thing back i got a 100 which was kool.if i could change 1 thing about last nite is if i had a bunch of my bh boys there who know how to mosh none of this 2 stepping crap. thats all i got to say
my scars remind me that the past is real. |
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| peer ministry day |
[Sep. 22nd, 2004|09:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Done with you~papa roach | ] |
ok my day was awsome i dont know about everyone else but i had such a kool day from talking to kristy on the bus to all the activities with my group(my group was kickass btw) i definitly felt comfortable with everyone in my group. im so glad im in peer ministry its people like dana(smiles) who impacted my life through peer ministry and if i could just do half of what she has done for me to some1 else i will feel accomplished. i got bak at uc at 5 stayed there till 6 then hung out with dana which was amazing and im not doing my homework 2nite im done
comment |
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| blood red |
[Sep. 20th, 2004|04:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | failure~unearth | ] |
mondays have to be my best day even tho i hate them. classes were good 2day. i ate lunch with jenn steve brian tati pretty eyes briv and i invited kaz to sit with us cuz he didnt know who to sit with. my weekened was ok hopefully later today will be better. did get a role in the play but no worries cuz i wasnt hyped up on it. i was jesus in morality that was amusing brian gray was satan he did a kick ass satanic laugh. i dont really know how i did on my spanish stuff. im just listening to this kick ass cd that i borrowed from greg. UNEARTH if you dont own it you should. im leaning toward more harcore and death metal now cuz im being introduced to some good bands which is kool. some of these guitar parts are sick as hell. ok is it supposed to be cold or warm definitly think the weather is fucked up. i had to read my diamond poem for creative writing. i got alot of weird looks about it cuz it was "psychotic" some1 said i think i dont care i dont write to please people i write wuts in my head or wut i feel.
i cant wait till i can drive. i need to get out of my house but i can see it now once i get my license im not gonna have newhere to go or be too busy to go there. 5 months 8 days u figure it out bitches. my mom has to go to college classes 2nite so if ne1 wants to stop by if there scared of my mom they can even tho my mom isnt scary unless you let her be shes just a push over. ok im done writing nonsense im gonna listen 2 my cd
fuck the police |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2004|03:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cold | ] |
so i went to work at ritas probably the last time for my life 2day cuz they close 2morow and i dont plan on working there next year. when i was almost about to leave this group of kids came up to the window and i recognized this girl i used to like her 2 years ago we took a lifeguarding course together i asked around about her never got a number or an sn and then i see her. she still looked the same was with 3 guys so i was like wutever. i forgot her name so i didnt say hi. when i walked out to my car tho she yelled "are you a lifeaguard" and i said yea and shes like thats awsome so she remembers me but probably doesnt know my name so wutever. i got my internet explorer to finally work yesterday which is why im posting. school is school there are many instances in which is sux and a couple kool parts. i tried out for the school play got a callback and ill find out if i got a part on monday. i dont really care i basically have nothing to do so this will keep me busy. hopefully later today will get better. im up to 86 which isnt good but stuff happens. saw a bunch of people from gl who i havnt seen since i left the school good to see them again. gave alex a hug even tho i think she hates them but o well. hung out jamie most of the nite. i think im gonna get a pair of blades and a backpack also will give me something to do so im gonna order them soon hopefully i wont get bored of that. im done i got nothin esle to say. |
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| tear drops of rain |
[Sep. 9th, 2004|04:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | autopilot off | ] |
so it was rainin pretty hard outside so i just up and decided to walk out there topless in the rain and just chilled in my backyard in the rain for awhile was kool altho im still wet and now getting the couch wet with my ass. i officially have an anger problem or a hate problem and just for the fun of it this is a line from an autopilot off song
tonite i have decided that theres only one way out
and i tried so hard to fight it but the blade kept coming down
i've got a torrid story but theres no one i can tell
i dont know if theres a heaven but im sure that theres a hell
and it landed right where your heart should have been
and it was the last thing you saw wasnt it?
on that note people suck |
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| abandoned |
[Sep. 7th, 2004|09:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | dying from the inside out | ] |
this is going to be random and i guesse a rant i dont know
woke up went to UC saw a bunch of teachers and a couple of friends twas good to see them again. went to chucks house later and picked up my guitar and amp im getting really tired of that band cuz they arnt going anywhere. i practice at my own house by myself cuz yea im that kool. talked to ashley on the phone and then went to work. did the whole ritas thing kinda sucked i dont remember much. after work while waiting for my mom i saw sam and chucks sister i told sam i was goin to GL and she ran out of her car and gave me a hug. orientation is 2morow from 9-12 i think its basically them telling us all the rules i could care less. after that my mom wont be home till like 3 or 4 so yea home alone for the last day before school starts. i have no expectations about this school and i hope they have none of me. for all i care i could go to school everday keep to myself do well and come home. i wouldnt care at all. i just want to get out of my house or just be with friends. i miss my sister. there is a helicopter flying close by i hear it. i also hear the radio. i think i need some1 to cover for me on friday so i can go to missy's party otherwise i mite be late. my glass is still here from earlier today. i dislike socks they stick to my feet and i like my toes to have freedom. some socks are kool and colorful dont get me wrong especially my black and red checkered knee highs that ive only worn for a couple shows. i miss playing shows yea i know i hated the band but to play in front of people on a stage was so much fun. my mom has bronchitus my dad is at a meeting and i am here online. i have to walk my dog a lil later. my mom is saying i have 10 mins to be online. i wanted to go to campaigners 2nite but i had to work it is the second week i missed it. they dont miss me anyway only jake probably. still saving up for a car. i think i need some pants for winter not sure. i have homeroom with diane chrissy and kerry thats all i know who i have it with so far. i have lunch with jake tom and other people. i have gym with jake which should be kool i guess. i dont know how to react to all this shit. i have spanish with duck that definitly seems like its gonna be fun hope i sit by her. i guess ill keep writing till my mom wants me to get off. i dont think im gonna accomplish my goal of streaking because summer ends 2morow for me. i started teaching myself some theory on my guitar stuff seems boring so i ran thru the whole book quickly. i think i need to teach myself some more chords. my sister just got online woohooo. i have a good relationship with her. so i dont know how relationships with some people who i hung out with over the summer how those are cuz people change so wutever. i wish i could fly. i think at every point in someones life they wish they could fly. i mite take the bus home cuz my mom cant pick me up. ritas closes soon woohoo. theres that helicopter again. i think they are spies trying to find out if i like muffins or not WELL YOU CAN GO FUCK URSELF SPIES IF YOUR READING THIS CUZ YOU WONT GET AN ANSWER OUT OF ME. i gave miss webber my email address cuz she asked i dont know if she is gonna email me probably not. i think i have to pee not quite sure if it happens it happens no worries. i dont know what i want to be when i grow up maybe something with the forces people like army or navy or somthing. i talked to miss schurtz it was good to talk to her about some stuff and i also talked to miss berlingheri and i thanked her for putting up with me and being a good teacher cuz she was. i think im done my dad just got home and i cant talk to people online talk to my dad and type in this thing.
goodbye computer people |
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| hold on |
[Sep. 2nd, 2004|01:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | wanting to play guitar | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | basket case~green day | ] |
so this is my journal that i like never update nemore i feel like updating hopefully 2day my mom gets my freakin schedule jenns party was awsome kyle broke his collarbone tho. workin at ritas from 6-close with my buddy heather. been talkin to miss ashley these late nites very good conversations i mite add. matey got me a shirt and a necklace. school starts too damn soon. i finally finished that damn hitch hikers guide to the galaxy yesterday. i have to empty my dishwasher. i want a new wristband. band practices are gonna be every friday once school starts which will be good we just gotta get shit down and agree on it. been writing a couple things lately nothin worth postin cuz no1 cares. i sit around all day doing nothing eating potatoe chips and playing jurassic park for old school super nintendo. im updating this journal cuz ashley said to so yea. im home alone once again jessie is back home which is awsome. my sisters in college she likes it there shes comin back for labor day weekend(AKA this weekend) i need to shave. both fans are spinning 1 in the kitchen and one in the dining room. my rooms a mess i have to cash a pay check and get rid of this damn change i have. its sept. 2 im hoping this year will be better than last year cuz overall last year was the worst year of my life. so yea school first this year. i mite try out for basketball and spring track. when i come around is now playing this song reminds me of stacy and she is reminded of me when she hears it i dont think she knows im goin to gl o well ill surprise her one day. this is basically a pointless entry cuz im just talkin about random shit like that robyn red breast that just flew by. i accomplished somthing this summer steve taught me how to ollie and i semi went streaking at jenns party so i still have to go streaking before the summer is over. i miss alot of people at UC but ill visit and go to the damn dances and shit. there goes that robyn. the name robyn reminds me of my sisters acquaintance who i didnt like at all glad i dont have to see her ugly face again. my sister broke up with her bf but she seems to be holding up pretty well ill see how she really is when she gets back. i had band practice 2 days ago i think im even sure but that was fun. i found this aggressive skateing clothing store online i got excited about it and i know u all dont understand but thats ok u dont have to. im gonna go lock my door so my mom cant come in when she gets back hold on. im wearing my woody woodpecker pajamas even tho i didnt sleep in them o well. i guess im done maybe update later
goodbye computer land people |
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| too late |
[Aug. 16th, 2004|10:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blank | ] |
alright im gonna be blunt when i say this i wish it didnt have to be this way and if i could i tell each of you individually but i cant.
im not going back to UC next year
im going to GL
i know for some of you your happy im leaving or happy im going to GL others will miss me at UC or not want me at GL but i just want to say im going to miss every1 at UC who has made my life in highschool the best years of my life. i will never forget any of you and i will visit and go to ur dances and ur prom even if i have to go with steve popek. bree i still have ur damn birthday present and ill still see you guys around if you ever want to hang out and im driving in february so if u can wait for me ill wait for you. i have sooo many inside jokes to list and too many memories to recounts. you will always have a special place in my heart and forever there you will stay. i know i suck at writing so im gonna wrap this up. highschool is what we make it, sometimes it sucks, others its awsome, no1 can take away your memories and if they try GIVE THEM HELL |
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| blonde hair blue eyes and lightning |
[Aug. 1st, 2004|10:18 pm] |
well i saw justin yesterday it was good to see him later me and steve hung out at his house he taught me how to ollie which i was happy about we went to menlo hung out i bought a pair of shorts and we saw catwomen went bak to his house he kicked my ass in super smash bros but i whooped him bad in rush 2049. 2day was church then mall with my sister and mrs. kelley i got a pair of pants returned a belt and got the wrong size again damnit but ill manage this time and i got the new midtown cd its not as good as i thought it would be but ok no worries. madeline is back in texas. 2morow i work at the pool and maybe at ritas who knows. i have my guitar back in my house which is always a good thing. my moms being a clean freak cuz my dads not home and this is what a crazy lady like her does. shooting stars are awsome i saw my first one the other day. uhh im bored and ive got nothin to talk about i want to get out of my house 2nite but i dont think ne1 wants to go out ehh i mite just go out by myself maybe see wut suzans up 2
goodbye computer people |
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| megan megan megan |
[Jul. 31st, 2004|01:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
the only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you'll finally get it right. |
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| i know who i am and in my head i really dont give a damn |
[Jul. 29th, 2004|09:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | last one out of liberty city-less than jake | ] |
i think its due for a hell of a crazy nite either sneaking out or just crazy night. i finished writing my notes to my lil bro's for UC. i went to chucks yesterday we have 1 song done finally and we just need leo and jake and everyone there all together for it to be perfect. they are gonna use my other song i made up too we just gotta work on it a lil more. i learned how to play magic (card game) which was kool. like no1 was at the pool 2day. 2morow i work at the pool and then at ritas and then i think i have off on saturday not quite sure. and ashley MARTIN IS WEIRD. i think im done posting i have nothing else important to say other than the fact that i probably am moving not that it matters or nething this will all transpire im guessing before my bday
blah i dont like talkin about that and i hate this fucking jounral bye |
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| im gonna miss you |
[Jul. 28th, 2004|11:12 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | senses fail | ] |
so i had this weird craving almost to say the least to want to go snowboarding. i either wanna buy a snowboard or blades. i put together a skateboard yesterday first time ive done that i have some decks lying around my garage and chuck gave me some trucks he didnt want so i put it together. i dont skate i cant even ollie but i mite try who knows. i dont have 2 work at the pool so far 2day. i kinda wanna go to see the guys and girls there. its fun there. i talked to brian 1 of my best friends he lives in texas yesterday was his bday hes 19 hes goin to college in colorado. university of colordo im writing this all down here so i dont forget i know most of u dont care so tuff shit i have a bad memory. just found out that i dont have 2 work at the pool but i still get paid woohoo and i mite be havin band practice which is kool just every1 in the band needs to wake up. i have to go to work at ritas from 7-close hopefully i dont have 2 go to work cuz i really dont feel like goin.
alright im taking a poll
grow out my hair cut it to wut i usually have
COMMENT |
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| too tired to cary both of us through this again |
[Jul. 27th, 2004|11:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | scared | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | comes crashing-dogwood | ] |
so yesterday was a good day yanno the nite before i talked 2 lynnie(jacqui ciccone) for 3 hours and i hate the phone which most of you know so it was weird for me. we had 1 of our meaningless conversations again. later yesterday i talked 2 steve reis which was kool i have no idea wut else i did ive been eating this huge lollipop i got at yellek's sweet 16 and ive been eating it for 3 days and im not even close 2 finishing it. im workin at ritas 2day from 3-6. my friend madeline is goin bak 2 texas sunday which is sad but i plan on sneaking out and visiting her before she leaves like last summer and if not sneaking out just a late nite. my sister woke me up this morning cuz she needed her roommates cell number cuz shes gonna meet her 2day which where shes at now at the mall. she has 25 or 26 more days at home. i need my paychecks to come in. my moms bak home came back yesterday which wasnt kool i dont want her here. and i have 1 more thing to say i havnt put sunscreen on all summer xcept when i was on vacation and im not burnt.
goodbye people in computer land |
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| humana humana humana humana FUCK |
[Jul. 24th, 2004|10:41 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  predatory | ] |
well now 2day i work at the pool and at ritas
that is all
i have weird dreams
sometimes i wish they were true
goodbye |
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ucscreamer's journal